You've seen the film, now read the facts!

Ok, firstly i apologise because these last two blogs have been a bit serious. This is not intentional, merely happened that these thoughts entered my head these last few days.

So firstly in response to a certain comment from Tajudin Abdullahi-named and shamed! lol. No, i think he makes a good point. It's very easy to say we should change, and to even want to change. However to actually go ahead and change is something very different. BUT, it is something we really must consider even if it means giving up one or two of our home comforts. So, just thought i'd say what i aim to do: avoid using air travel, buy local produce where possible, cut down on the amount of meat/eggs/dairy i eat (not massively, just making sure i don't eat too much), try to walk where possible, and try to stick an extra jumper on rather than use extra fuel heating the house. There you go, a few of the things i am going to try and do...

So the title of todays blog refers to The Constant Gardener. I don't have much to say about it. Except if you have not seen it-see it, and if you have seen it check out some of these-scarily similar facts. (I mention this because i watched it again a few days ago).
What the movie missed
Drugs testing

Ok, serious stuff over, jus a quick note to say Happy Birthday to Katherine, 21 today, and in a retirement home tomorrow. Tehehe. I promise the blog will have a lighter topic tomorrow!

Thought for the Day: As the film says...'Big pharmaceuticals are right up there with the arms dealers. It's how the world f***s Africa.

A comment on Sustainability and Global Warming

You’ve heard it all before: Ice caps are melting, the oceans are heating up and within the next few decades many animals will become extinct. All in all, a big bunch of bad news. Of course we are fully to blame, with all our nasty fossil fuel burning power stations, which in the end will be responsible for the extinction of the human race…or is that really true?

In Al Gore’s recent film, An Inconvenient Truth, we see pictures of glaciers and ice sheets 30 years ago and then today. Audiences gasp as they see just how much ice has disappeared. But is this really due to us? The problem is that if you’re going to understand anthropological climate change (caused by humans), you first have to understand natural climate change. The fact is that over the last 60 billion years the Earth has been heating up and cooling considerably. If we take the last 2 million years (known as the Quaternary) we can see that the Earth has been alternating between glacial and interglacial periods (lots of ice and then very little ice). No prizes for guessing then that we are in the middle of an interglacial. These are periods of time characterised by melting ice, and guess what…global warming!

It is this global warming over the last 20 000 years since the last ice age (glacial) that has enabled the Earth to sustain human life. So, given the temperature graphs for the last few thousand years, how can we begin to analyse the extent to which global warming is natural, and the extent to which we are causing it. The truth is that it isn’t really of much relevance.

You see, the main problem is with our perspective. Humans have never been good news for the Earth. In the short time humans have been around, they have had a massive effect on the Earth. We do not fit into a natural food chain; we do not live within a natural ecosystem and therefore we are the equivalent of a virus/cancer on the Earth (very similar to what Agent Smith says in the Matrix). That’s not true I hear you cry, but look around you-our idea of nature is an area of cultivated land, covered with one species of cow, with fences and walls, and perhaps the odd windy road. When was the last time you saw ‘real unadulterated nature’? (Probably on 'Walking with dinosaurs'). Now of course this all sounds very depressing, but it is the necessary background on which to base our thinking.

Living in perfect harmony with the environment may be impossible, but achieving the best balance possible should be our aim. In other words, minimising the impact we have on the Earth. This way, we are managing cause rather than effect. This is where our current approach goes wrong-we look at the effect we are having and then decide what to do. There are two main flaws with this approach. Firstly, as I have mentioned, it may be the case that some of the effects we are seeing are natural and not a result of human activity, and secondly there may be problems which are equally as important but less evident currently, which are paid no attention.

The solution? Global footprints. This is no new idea of mine; it is a widely known but not largely recognised method. Basically it involves considering the effect we have on the Earth by measuring it as a footprint, left on the Earth. For example a carbon footprint is often measured as the amount of trees that it would take to absorb the CO2 released by us. The focus is therefore on limiting the overall effect you have on the Earth. There are various ways of calculating such footprints, and the results are often very scary

So how is this approach different? Well it calls for an understanding that global warming, ecosystem management, water management, agriculture, pollution, waste, deforestation, land use, development, diversity, food production, energy sources etc all require consideration..

For example, current thinking is that burning fossil fuels = bad, hydroelectricity = good, because there are no emissions. But few people stop to consider the negative effects of building a dam, on habitats, local climate, water distribution, etc. This doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea-but it is important to take every impact into consideration.

The Keyword here is sustainability. Sustainable development is defined as ‘Development that meets the needs and aspirations of the current generation without compromising the ability to meet those of future generations.’ This definition is as old as me, so how comes in 19 years it has not been implemented on a macro scale? Sustainability is about limiting our effect on the environment, and managing social footprints too (the effect we are having on peoples lives i.e. Exploitation of 3^rd world).

So forget the hype and drama. What we need to do is change our lifestyles to minimise our global footprint, and then leave the Earth to do what it will.

Spot the Difference (and no it's not the clothes!!!)

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Well, gone today actually, thnaks to a very traumatic hair cutting experience. My hair is now officially short once more! Oh yes, no more curls verging on mullet it's back to spiky short hair. Although this change is good, it still seems sad to part with my hair, which officially was left uncut for a massive 23 weeks and one day. So i didn't quite make half a year, but wasn't far off!

I will post another spot the difference tomorrow so you can all marvel at the change-or just scream as once again you are forced to see my face! And ears, which strangely enough have been covered for a good few months now. I may also post some Svedish piccies too.

Today i successfully went present shopping. This is a rare occurance for me. I tend to be the one who spends hours choosing what turns out to be the wrong present, which is followed by that really awkward silence post-giving. Still, i find a quick humming rendition of 'Raindrops keep falling on my head' goes a long way to solving the uneasiness, and quickly diverts attention away from the pile of rubbish i have just given someone on the most important day of the year! Is it just me that has that problem?

Anyway, i feel i am in need of a more thoughtful blog, hrmmm perhaps i will do one tomorrow, when i have a bowl of ice cold water to dunk my head in afterwards to let my brain cool down. Oh and by the way, 'ice cold'-what's that mean?? Soft drinks bottles often claim they are best enjoyed ice cold. Well unless you have added substantial amounts of salt to the drink (hence lowering the freezing point), your drink will be frozen in the bottle if served ice cold, and personally i find this quite a difficulty when trying to drink.

Thought for the Day: Why do we never say 'Best served steam hot'

Passing time

Operation Durham has begun! I am now back from my travels, after a lovely trip to Sweden. The boat was great, and though our cabin was small, and i mean the size of a shoebox! (well obviously i don't because that would be verging on the ridiculous) but it was very small! Lots of nice photos of sea, sky and gothenberg.

So now i am back, with just over one week until i return to Durham and i have a fair amount of ends to tie up before then. Tidying my room, buying stuff for this year, chatting to those friendly guys at npower, buying presents, getting my eyes tested, getting in touch with college daughters, course reading as well as sleeping eating and all the formalities. I appreciate this may not sound busy to you, but to a guy used to doing virtually nothing it seems like a lot!

Thought for the Day: Humility is like underwear. It should always be worn but never be seen.

We are sailing...

Tomorrow i set sail! I'm off to Sweden-yay! Me and Katherine are going on a lastminute.com cheapo trip to Sweden for 4 days. Now when i say Sweden, we only actually spend roughly 4 hours in Sweden. The boat sets off tomorrow afternoon, and arrives in Sweden at 5pm the next day. We then spend Tuesday evening in Gothenberg, before returning to the ship to sleep. Then wednesday morning we set off again and arrive back in Newcastle Thursday morning. All in all, a big bundle of excitement, at mithes prithes! (esure mouse advert)

So, that is where i will be for the next few days. Now just a brief update of the last few days...Last night i went to see Paddy McGuinness live, which was fantastic and really funny! This weekend a family friend from London was up for the weekend which was also cool. So yeah, a good, pretty uneventful few days. Hope all is well elsewhere in Blogland where the updates are less frequent!

Adios!

I need trance!

So here i am, sat in my room on a Friday evening, checking my imaginary cricket team online...Something is seriously wrong. Then as if from nowhere, hidden deep within the endless playlist of cheese, rubbish and pop...i hear the all too familiar intro...in disbelief i look around me-the pens don't respond, in desperation i search for some response, alas not even the bedside light flickers....now the lyrics come in...'Coming out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine'...and all of a sudden i get a flashback, no wait hundreds of flashbacks, to pubs, clubs, corridors!?! Cd players with 16 speakers...and Planet of sound! Ooooh yes i have many memories of dancing around stupidly (i find it difficult to dance sensibly) to Mr Brightside in the cheese room at Planet of Sound.

Ahhh now there's a way to spend a Friday night...locked in the ecstacy of trance and cheese, with sweat dripping from the walls, and girls dripping over Ditt...Well allegedly...that's me covered! There really is nothing quite like a good student night out in Durham-Especially if it has Mr Brightside AND trance! Now at this point the readers will be split into two groups-the group who are staring quizzically at the screen wondering quite what i am talking about, and the other group staring absent mindedly at the wall, druelling slightly! Well the good news my friends...is that in 3 weeks time-that's where I will be! Dancing my shoes socks and every-other piece-of-clothing-that-does-not-threaten-my-decency off and revelling in the madness! Join Me!

But for now, i will just have to sit here and dream!

Thought for the Day: If life is a highway, then i must be stuck in a traffic jam

Insensitive...probably

Apparently recently during an interview, Steve Irwin was asked what his favourite children's tv program was. He replied ' Well, I've got to admit I love Thunderbirds, but there will always be a special place in my heart for Stingray'

Ok, yes it may be slightly black humour-But i laughed. Perhaps i ought to clarify that i was a big fan of Steve Irwin too, and in no way am insulting his memory etc etc (you get the picture).
It's funny how some things people just don't laugh at-even though sometimes they are funny. I hope i die in a really amusing way so that whenever someone tries to tell someone how i died, they can't help but burst out laughing...mind you knowing me, i suppose it's not altogether unlikely...

In case you hadn't guessed-nothing happened today-absolutely nothing.

Thought for the Day: It's really annoying when people don't finish the

A drop in the ocean

I read today. To say i read would be an understatement. To say i read all day would be an overstatement. You choose, i guess it's one of those glass half full or half empty things. Personally the liquid never stays in the glass long enough for me to have such a dilemna! It's like saying person half dead, or half alive-it isn't as though you'd stop to consider the philisophical reprecussions of that now would you.

Nevertheless, i did read quite a large amount today. To be precise i read roughly 70 pages (spot the oxymoron). Furthermore the subject of my reading was glaciers and glaciation, and as interesting as the topic is, there is a limit to the amount one desires to read about pre-quaternary glaciations or glacial mass balance for that matter. Still having read 90 pages i feel i have achieved something. Mind you seeing as the book has 624 pages it's just

Newsflash: Contraceptives failure

Yes it appears that 9 months ago there must have been a dud batch of condoms or something circulating because it would appear a large number of people have become parents today. What makes this stranger is that the person to deliver all these babies was none other then Neil Crimes himself...hrmmm

Anyway, i have two brand spanking new children! Two lovely girls called Sophie and Helen. Of course these are not real children, rather my adopted college children ( i hope that explains the first paragraph to all who may be confused!) So yes i have two little freshers to write to and be generally nice to! Which is all rather exciting and reminds me that i am going back to Durham soon. Yay!

Other than that very exciting piece of news, today has been rather boring. I have a read a little, and mooched a lot. Tomorrow i must make an effort to get up early and kick myself into gear! Perhaps reverse would be a good place to start!

Thought for the Day: There is no such thing as luck. Everything happens by chance

Have you ever watched a hamster run in a ball??

Possibly the funniest thing in the world, except perhaps a pigeon running in a ball, which would probably be so fun, that i would die, from laughing too much. Another thing that is funny is comedy. Something that isn't comedy is Four Weddings and a Funeral, and that is something which unfortunately i watched this evening. This evening is coincidentally nearly up, so i wont dawdle!

Today i 'did'. Suffice to say, i carried out several important tasks, none worth a particular mention, but together, culminating in a rather significant part of the day. The rest was spent at Katherine's doing little more than 'did' in fact possibly less. Today was her day off, so she 'did not', though worryingly her 'did not' is still far busier than my 'did'. Was all very good fun.

Tomorrow i shall do something, which hopefully will provide a better read than todays endeavours. Til then, i shall stare at my eyelids.

Thought for the Day: Why did someone go to all the trouble of even bothering to make that film...

Terrorism and poor working conditions-Brilliant!

Global warming...a massive problem with no solution...or is there one? As sick and twisted as it is, i have observed that terrorism is quite a handy solution. What is the main source of emissions...you guessed it-Air Travel!! What decreased by an enormous percentage after the terrorist threats...Tada! That, thrown in with baggage handlers striking, has significantly decreased air travel over the last month. So how long will it be before the conspiracy theories start emerging, that Al-Qaeda is actually run from the Uk branch of greenpeace??

Right, anyway this was supposed to be about my holiday! So what did i do for two weeks. I heard lots of bagpipes!, walked around a lot of coastline, went to Ireland for the day and saw the magnificent Giant's causeway! (see emmas blog for details). I also went to some little tattoo thing in a small town which involved more bagpipes and some dancers...and i also looked round several towns, and saw a biiiig stone thing called Bruce's stone. For those who do not realise, Robert the ruce is actually an ancestor of mine, so was cool! lol. Went through a town called Marjoriebanks!! How amazing! And even found some random grave of someone of the same name. I should say with a name as uncommon as mine, these things can be quite special!
I am not sure we did anything else of any significance. It was very much a relaxing holiday not doing much at all

And for all those fearing about the whereabouts of Sweden...it is still there and i am still going there-it just didn't get from my head to my hand whilst blogging yesterday! Right well i'd best finish off there. More fantastical tales to come tomorrow no doubt!

Thought for the day: Life is like an egg, it can crack so easily

Bonjourno!

I'm back! Finally after roughly 4 weeks of being here, there and everywhere inbetween, i have touched back on terra ferma, not that i actually left, but what i mean is that i am home! Today i got back from two weeks in scotland, during which i encountered many exciting geological features, as well as ORANGE SHEEP!!! It was quite disturbing. Anyway, i will post properly later, but just a note to say hi! and for anyone wondering where i was, or even doubting whether i still existed-I am officially here! For 3 whole weeks, before i return up North to Dunelm for more fun and games! Tara!

If i lay here

If i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget about the world. If only it were possible to lie down and forget about the world, and just be. Like when you see films in fast forward. To be able to sit back and watch life pass, without having to think or do.

Tomorrow i set off to sunny sunny Scotland (yeah right) so you wont be hearing from me for a good 2 weeks. I have done my research and studied the possible glacial landscapes to look out for, so I'm going to have a whale of a time. Yes i am extremely sad, but someone has got to be excited by such things, and so by being so, i am merely doing my duty and relieving someone else of the sad-ness. Maybe...or maybe its jus cos I'm a bit of a loser, who wears geographical society clothing!

Tonight i have to pack. I am sat here on my bed, as far away from the bag as possible, in some sort of denial that packing itself actually exists at all. Alas as fun as escapism and denial is, i fear that before i put my head down for the night i will have to confront the massive pile of clothes and junk that lies strewn before me across my room, and rearrange it into a somewhat more organised collection. I will pack suncream, just in case...

The title bit was by the way a lyric from Chasing Cars, from Snow Patrol's new album, which is absolutely fantastic! Go buy it! NOW!

Thought for the Day: He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool, shun him,
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child, teach him,
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep, wake him,
He who knows and knows that he knows is wise, follow him.

Echoes

If you get a massive telescope...and i mean massive, you can see millions of miles out into the universe. You can see so far, that it acts as a time machine and you can see things far back into time, things which came into being milliseconds after the big bang. The very echoes of creation.
The 'white noise' of radiation can still be picked up on radiotelescopes, the past echoing into the future.

There are things in my life which still bounce quietly round my mind. Some hollow memories, some warm harmonies echoing around inside my head, and affecting me day to day. In fact memory itself is one large cacophone of sound, echoing back at different volumes and with different sounds.

I hope that in some way, my life will not fade out with my body. That echoes of my life will rebound around this world, in the minds of others-that my echo will live on, long after i have died. I hope that i will create an echo in the minds of whoever i meet-that i might have some positive effect on their life through who i am, what i say.
I hope that then they too will create an eternal echo.

Thought for the Day: What we do in life, echoes in eternity

The interval will last approximately 2 days

Welcome to the gap. Please mind it. It's really me. I am back having spent two amazing weeks in Lincolnshire. I leave again for Scotland on Saturday and so it really is like a short interval of 2 days.

So...Stage-Fright. Was an amazing two weeks of madness, for a week of which, we had 42 young people on camp. In 8 days we transformed one word into a play, performed (and thought up partly) amazingly by the cast of young people. It's an amazing privelege to be involved in a young persons life-especially at that age and i loved every minute of it, including hanging out with the other leaders, many of whom i knew from previous years. And two of which i unexpectedly discovered read this blog occasionally!

So now i have to try and adjust back to normal, boring life for a few days, then toddle of to Scotland for two weeks with the family! Should be good, but always slight aprehension as to how it will go.

So basically i am back! But not for long! Hope you are all still alive and well!

Thought for the Day: Love is not proud, nor self seeking
.

So Long, Farewell

Goodbye one and all. This evening i disappear of the face of the Earth for a week or so (well i'm off to Lincoln anyway). Yes i'm off to lead about 40 11-14 year olds on a weeks drama camp. Should be fun!

Today my brain finally collapsed due to the extreme pressure of having to remember stupid aounts of numbers. I got to the front of the queue in boots, slotted my card into the machine and completely forgot my PIN! Oops. All i had going round and round in my head was 7281...7281...which was my A-Level candidate number, and so not of much help. Finally after 30 seconds of staring blankly at the till operator it came to me and all was ok. I left in a state of shock. I am usually very good at remembering numbers, i just don't know what happened.

So there you go-it is a strange world. Have a lovely week my little minions. And don't go and do anything i wouldn't do...which does rule out a bit....though not dressing up as a pigeon and strutting round town, or making chicken noises at a randomer behind you in the queue.

Thought for the Day: 11 was a racehorse, 22 was 1 2. 11 1 1 race, 22 1 1 2.

The one before the one

Hello hello! I bring you the blog before th last blog for 2 weeks-ish (i think).

Unfortuantely i have not blogged for a few days. I do have legitimate reason however, due to not being here in the evening, and being busy in the evening. On Friday night i was at Katherines for a nice meal, and drinking a bottle of wine she got for Christmas!!! yes that was ages ago but it was worth the wait-it tasted gorgeous. Yesterday we had a big party thing for my dad's 50th. Wow my parents are starting to get ancient now...So amongst all the fun i had no time to blog. I blog now amidst much sorting out for going away tomorrow evening. I really do not feel ready to be going away.

Anwyays that is all i really have to say for now. Look out for an extra special blog tomorrow!

Thought for the Day: Do you ever find yourself looking at something and wondering if like the stars, you are seeing a dying image of something that burned up a long time ago?

I'm Nuts!

I had some pecan nuts at lunch, and you know what they say...
Tick tock tick tock, time is flying at the moment. Its not just flying, its got on Concorde with a tail wind. Its turning round and waving at light as it disappears into the distance. Yes time does seem to be passing extremely quickly at the moment. I realised this today, as it suddenly hit me that i am going away on Monday, basically for 4 weeks, back for 3 days or so in the middle. This is a very scary thought indeed! But also good, because then when i get back it will not be long until i return to Durham. Then a rock hit me too and my mind turned to other things.

I have been home alone today. Although seeing as i didn't leave my bed til 1ish, and then went out at 3ish, i didn't have much time to fully appreciate the solitude. I like solitude, give me people talking, noisy friends, parties and music, but then give me a still room to myself, with no noise-no distraction-just nature. I like being on my own, having time to ponder without interruption, letting my alsation of a mind off its leash for a while, to roam where it will. Then when all pointless thought is done-give me a blog to record it all!

Thought for the Day: Constrained thought is like an amazing chocolate cake left to go mouldy

Zu

I have groundbreaking news!!! You know that 11pm hunger feeling, or perhaps slightly earlier for some. When you just want to sit downa and eat? I have discovered why...we are missing a meal! There were intended to be 4 meals in a day...breakfast, lunch, tea and...Zu! Now firstly let me assure you this is perfectly logical and so by process shows that these are indeed the correct names for meals-none of this dinner rubbish. So what logic i hear you cry in a rather desperate tone.

Well...looking at the number of letters in each of the first 3 meals, the pattern indicates that the 4th meal should be a two letter word. Secondly, assigning the first letter of each word a number (a=1, B=2...) it is also clear that to follow the sequence, the fourth meal must begin with 26 (z). Hence we are left with Z?. Well now if we look at the opening vowel patterns we get ea, u, ea, ? which concludes my proof that the fourth meal of the day MUST be called Zu!

In other news, i rang NPower today and spoke to a lovely lady called Erica who solved all my problems (well my energy related ones anyway). I must depart now having had my Zu, to my bed, or at least somewhere near my bed for the sake of precision. Goodnight!

Thought for the Day: The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it
(James Truslow Adams)

5 CVT

Today i went on a little excursion up tp Durham for the afternoon which was all very exciting! In drove up in our car, (as opposed to in our mongoose) with Rachel and had a look round our house to check all was in order. It was actually very exciting. The house is now empty and just begging to be lived in. We have an aazing new kitchen which is all shiny and nice, and all the rooms seem bigger and better than i remember them being. All in all twas much fun, although i wish i was moving in now!

Watched Notting Hill this evening. Oh dear, it does appear that i am watching a daily film. Oh well, if they are there, someone has to watch them. Well i must be off now, i am very hungry!

Thought for the Day: If you can't beat them, you probably shouldn't try and compete against them...

A Problem shared...

is a problem halved...we all know that! Well having considered this recently i have discovered several major flaws with this outrageous statement. I mean supposing person A has a problem, and tells person B, then they now have 50% of the original problem. Now supposing person A goes and tells person C, person A is left with 25% of the problem, which is less than person B. This hardly seems a just reward for being person A's best friend. The only way in which person B could decrease his share of the problem would be to tell more people, which would be gossiping!! Wow, what a burden on person B.

The situation complicates further if person A repeatedly tells person B their problem. In which case, person A's proble tends to 0, whereas person Bs increases and tends to 100% of the original problem. Now this is just unfair! Unless of course person B returns the favour by moaning back to person A about their ever increasing problem, in which case if they take in turns to moan, starting with person A...person A is left with 66.6% of the problem and person B gets 33.3%. (thats suprisingly hard to work out, and yes, due to rounding, 0.1% is missing...).

Anyway, that was utterly pointless. I have had a reasonably dull day today. Though i may be going to Durham tomorrow! Yippee!

Thought for the Day: A problem shared is....a problem eased....slightly (subject to conditions)

Life goes easy on me, most of the time

So here it is...sunday evening. The end of an amazing weekend, and the beginning of an exciting week. Had great fun in Chester with Ditt, Ruth and Katherine. On Friday night, following a meal at Ditts, went out into Chester with Ditt and his friends and Ruth. Chester doesn't exactly have an amazing nightlub scene...but we gave it all a go then headed back to some crazy guys house and played ring of fire! Then stayed the night there, got a taxi back to Ruths in the morning, just in time to have a shower and then go and pick up Katherine from the station. Then we went round Chester and shopped (mostly Katherine and Ruth!) and then we went to the cinema to see Cars!! Which despite being full of cliches, is a good fil. The graphics/animation is amazing, and the film is a good laugh. That evening we went back to Ruths to watch a film and drink wine. Then finally this morning we went for ice cream by the river and then set off home! So there you go...my weekend!

This evening i watched a bit of The Truman Show-the best film ever made! This week begins gently with a day or two of nothingness, but then i have to take a trip to Durham to check out the new house, as well as several other things which need to be sorted out this week before i go away next week. I'm sure i'll still find plenty of time to blog however!

Thought for the Day: Idle time with friends is time well spent

Butterflies...

Some butterflies!





















Katherine and lil' sis
















Another butterfly!

Off to see the wizard...well Ditt anyway....

Yes, i write to you on th eve. of my mini adventure to Chester. I leave tomorrow afternoon to go to Chester to see Ruth (an old friend), Ditt (you all know who he is!), and Vicky (if she manages to actually get there!!). So yes, should be fun to meet up again. Even if it isn't everyone!

My train leaves at 13.14, so i shall be around til then. Today i finished painting the door which i had varnished. And it looks fantastic! A satisfying two days work! Now back to the idleness for another week or so! lol. This is the life for me. Short spouts of activity surrounded by oceans of nothingness. Wait a minute...this is beginning to sound like Andy's blog...oh dear!

Oooh also watched the amazing film that is 12 Monkeys tonight. Awesome film and brilliant acting from Brad Pitt. Wow...i really should work for a film advertising company!

Thought for the Day: COME TO CHESTER!!!

Keep the Aspidistra Flying

I must admit, my heart did sink a little when i was outvoted by the rest of my family, and hence forced to watch the aforementioned film, based on a book by George Orwell. Yes i was being very prejudiced and i soon learnt the error in my ways. The film was fantastic and well worth a watch. Highly recommend it to all readers...very interesting themes of class boundary and social goals, mixed with some good humour.

Here ends my outrageous plug...Tomorrow i am varnishing doors! Yes that's right seeing as i have nothing else to do, i shall be varnishing church doors with Katherine's brother Edd. Alas this means i must get to bed at a reasonable time, to be up and running for a 9.30 start! This will be i think my second earliest morning in the last 2 weeks, but still not a patch on 4.30am, whilst i was working at the Great Yorkshire Show. So finally i have something useful and constructive to do with some of my time!

Thought for the Day: The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose (Hada Bejar)

M is for Monday

Hello world. It seems like ages since i last posted, but in reality its only a few days! And the world does not seem to have collapsed or even stop turning. Alas i fear that people do not miss my blogging! Either that or they are all busy having lives! Anyway i shall plough on regardless.

Sunday was a beach day. I spent the whole day 'sunning' myself in Filey, and swimming in the sea-which was a soaring 15 degrees! Though after you got numb it was ok because you couldn't feel it anyway! Had fish 'n' chips in the evening to round off the day and then drove back, arriving home tired and happy at about 10ish. Altogether a ost enjoyable day!

Today was far less interesting though i did go out for a meal with Katherine and two old friends this evening. Was good to catch up, and had an amusing and enjoyable time.

Then i watched the news...big mistake. I do not want to rant again, for the sake of all readers, but i struggled to watch news of red cross vans being hit in lebannon, of USA 'diplomats' lying and pretending to care about something other than themselves, and then considered the apathy of 59 million people in the UK alone, towards anything that does not affect them.

Thought for the Day: Can we really afford not to care?

Hello

Just a quickie to apologise for my last post. Just letting off steam and all that! It's morning now, there was a biiiig thunderstorm last night, and things are better now. Have a good day everyone!

Why

Why aren't things the way they are supposed to be. You've seen the films you've read the books, yet somehow the mirror of real life is cracked. The image distorted, into some strange contortion. Everything is not as it appears...Nothing is quite as good as it seems. Every blessing has it's problem, and in the end it will be shrugged off with...'thats life'

And that is life indeed. A grand don't come for free, a man once said. Nothing, no nothing in this damn world is easy. Nothing is straightforward, as it should be, as it was intended. Even love itself is twisted into some bittersweet romance where hurt and pain thrive. Thoughts invade the mind, and change even the simplest things into the most complex of problems. Why, why, why i scream must things be so. Cannot what is meant to be, flow freely through time with unending ease and happiness. Must we struggle for that which we know we are intended. Or is it itself unintended, merely an illusion of the mind.

F**k you world! And yet i must endure you for another day...and another...and another

Thought for the Day: The game of life is hard to play, we're gonna lose it anyway....

Battrick eve.

Is it a bad sign that my week does tend to revolve around an imaginary cricket team! And now an imaginary penguin called Gerald who always has a very needy look about him. Oh and by the way, if you prod him a few times he loses his balance! Hehehe

I have been watching some videos on youtube today, and include a quite incredible one below! 24 is officially amazing, and if you search on youtube you will discover numerous video montages similar to the one below.

Today i have not really done much at all. I got up at a leisurely hour and moped about the house feeling hot. I ventured outside the house briefly to play frisbee and then came back for some tea! So there you go, i really did do nothing all day. Oh just some things to clear up from yesterday...i didnt really steal posters, they were there for the taking...50 is when mathematicians officially call a number large....and its ok i dont expect appreciation of my jokes! lol.

Thought for the Day: I am who i am, and no-one, i mean no-one can change that. You don't like it, look elsewhere.

gerald! Yes i know this is hypocritical!

adopt your own virtual pet!

Live and let Die

Today i struggled with MSN Live before realising that it was incompetent and reverting back to MSN 7.5!!! Still a few hours wasted wont do me any harm! Not as though i have anything else to do!

Went out into town tonight....had a nice drink, and got barred from club for 'distributing' their posters which they happened to leave lying around the bar. We simply stuffed them down our trousers....don't see what's so wrong about that?!? Anyways a good night and a good chance to catch up with good friends. I will post some cool vids i have tomorrow, when i may be slightly more capable. For now. Adios!

Thought for the Day: Live as though you are about to die, and die as though you are about to live.

Hitting the high numbers

No i have not been physically assaulting numbers larger than 50 with a large stick. Instead the title refers to the soaring temperatures being experienced as i speak. Reading 34 C in the sun, or of course 93.2 F. At least i think so...for those who do not know the conversion equation off by heart...
T(f)=9/5*T(c)+32, and of course one can simply rearrange that to do it the other way round!

Isn't it funny, how when its cold we use celsius so it sounds lower, and when its hot we use fahrenheit so it seems higher. It's just our way of overexagerating subtly i think. In the same way that we complain when its cold and wet, and then complain when its hot and dry. I think we like to talk about our weather alot. Which is great for enthusiasts like me! However this interest is not reflected in the standard of our TV forecasts. Blonde women, with wavery airy fairy uncertain gestures in the general direction of the uk, and moving symbols that look like they should belong on a gameshow, or a computer game. No...give me good old BBC weather logos, and a real meteorologist....

Today i am reminded of 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. Maybe it is because i read it over the summer, or maybe it is because it gets very hot in the book. Who knows, there is just something that makes me think of it...And on that subject, what a brilliant book. If anyone has not read it, put down your trashy summer novel and read it! Apart from the first chapter-it is well worth a read!

Thought for the Day: Carrying a gun, is an invitation to be shot (TKAM)

Wish people would talk about my lunchtime conversations

Maybe one day i will be important enough that my conversation over lunch will make all the national news bulletins. I guess i will have to find someone to talk to over lunch first-or just talk to myself. After all i am probably the only one who understands myself, or at least finds myself interesting. I fear the day, i talk myself to sleep. Surely you can't be bored with yourself?

Today i had a look at some of my possible 3rd year modules. Not quite sure why, just felt like it! Looks like i am going to be a very sad expert on gravel bed rivers, glaciers and climate change, and mountain envrionments by the time i enter my fourth year! ah well, i'm preparing myself through the purchase of geog. soc. anoraks. That has to be a start?!?

This whole Uni thing is rather scary. I'm still not sure i'm completely up to the standard required! I guess we'll soon find out eh! Maybe i shall go and read about glaciation a little before i sleep. Well goodnight one and all. Hope you are all plodding along well.

Thought for the Day: Its funny, how usually, the more mature you think you are, the less mature you actually are.

Twas Brillig and the slithy toves

...did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogroves and the mome raths outgrabe. No Hgerfd is not doing a guest blog, it is instead a line from the Jabberwocky. A poem that i rather like. Search it on google if you like and marvel it all day long.

Aha! Bet you weren't expecting that now were you! well, spontanaeity makes a pleasant change every now and again. Especially when it is utterly pointless! Today i had another BBQ at our house this time, saw my grandparents, played a bit of frisbee, which reminded me it is waaay to long since i last threw a frisbee! And now rather traditionally i am going to go to bed. Not just yet of course for that would be pre-12, which is just ridiculous.

As you may have guessed i actually have nothing to say now, except my hair has probably reached 'stupidly long by now (according to my hair length graph) and so after 14 weeks and 2 days, i may be forced to consider getting it cut soon. I think i'll try and squeeze another few days out of it though!

Thought for the Day: Are u a thermometer or a thermostat-do you change what goes on around you, or change to whatever goes on around you

Brmm brmm

Who needs a car when you can just walk along making car noises? It's far healthier and better for the environment, and walking gives you the chance and space to think...Not that i had any choice mind when my family disappeared off with the car when i was supposed to be using it, then when my brother used it when i needed picking up because i hadn't got the car, oh yeah and also when he gets to use it tomorrow despite the fact that i also need it. Still...walking is good!

So what amazing things have i been up to? Well i watched the second Pirates of the caribbean film today; entertaining, very funny, but ultimately not a fantastic film. I also went to a BBQ at Katherines house. Last night i went out into town with a few old friends and had a few drinks and played pool which was great also. All in all, not really a busy few days, but enjoyable ones.

Well tara for now my sweeties. Keep smiling and stay safe til we meet again

Thought for the Day: Learn to let go

BSc Hons Car Parking

It's a shame that such a degree does not exist, because after 4 days of directing and parking cars i now feel fully qualified. Yet i did not even receive a certificate or a badge. Just a modest wage packet at the end of it all. The skills i have learnt include 'judging regulation car parking space widths by eye', 'smiling and waving and gesturing for 6hrs non stop' and 'listening to 1 in 3 people make the sam joke as i park their car, for 3 whole days!!'. All very valuable skills i think. They will definitely be entered onto my C.V.

Without labouring a point too much-because that would not be like me at all!! Would it?? These last few days really have openend my eyes to the stupidity and mindlessness of the British public. Racist, ignorant, arrogant, arsey, complaining, moody, lazy... I could go on for hours, suffice to say that sometimes i wish i was a rabbit. Then at least i wouldn't have the shame of being human. I guess a non-british rabbit too. Ooh and by the way i saw Prince Charles' procession on its way to the show. Very exciting. Sorry if Oli reads this (which he wont because for him it represents 'self-indulgence'), alas i did not launch an assanination attempt.

So what else do i have to say. Well in a world as existentialist as mine, i could write about nothing, or everything and yet both would have equal point-in that they would both be pointLESS. However this does not ease my choice as i am still none the wiser as to where this wander should end. Is it a means to an end. Or is it, strange as it may seem, and end via a means-like walking somewhere just so on the way you can walk past a shop and buy something nice. A journey that exists purely for the journey and not the destination. Kind of the equivalent of a circular walk i guess. I never did get the point in them. Whereas a pub lunch, now there is our first category, where the walk is only justified by the meal which follows. Hmm i should go on a pub walk...then i can wear my geography anorak too. Might have problems finding companions for that reason though!

Thought for the Day: Speech when not used correctly can act as the exhaust pipe for the brain

The world is the world is the world.

And people will be people will be people. Yes the world spins on and on. I said i was going to say more about people today, so here goes.

You've gotta love them. Try as they may, people just can't manage to get on. Or is it that we don't try? Do we really want to get on, as a basic instinct, or are we all selfish beings with a disinterest towards the majority of people? It's not often you hear someone launch into a complaint that doesn't include the mahic word 'I' or 'me'. Complaints i heard today...'i want to park closer', 'He nicked my space', 'i was told i couldn't bring a dog', 'He's in my way', 'It's taken me hours to get in because of all the stupid queues', to name but a few. Some of these may even be valid (if so, still not necessarily much to do with a carpark supervisor!!!) but it sums up the whole attitude. The best one, is people thinking they know better than you and going completely against what you say...Now i've heard that my job is supposed to be unpopular...but i don't know how the cars would do without!!! Its a dog eat dog world where self interest rules!

In other news: old people.Just something i was thinking about today. Its one of the hardest things to do-watch someone dissolve into old age. Watch the flame within them go out, and all hope, life and excitement leave them. Everyone is changing, as one rather eager young band sang. People die, others get ill, and gradually the older generations fade out into a blurry and cracked impression of their former selves. Often stripped of dignity, fully dependent and unable to do what they used to enjoy. So what am i getting at? Well i don't mean to be overly depressing-just came up in conversation earlier. I guess there is nothing we can do but try and restore people, to provide something in their lives. I don't agree with 'dignified' deaths or euthanasia, instead i think it is vital that we do as much to make such peoples' lives enjoyble 'til the end arrives.

Thought for the Day: The only sure thing in life is death. It's our job to ensure everything else

now up 20 hours...

It's been a hectic few days. And it's only the beignning, on the back of 2 1/2 hrs sleep on saturday night, last night i got 4 hours sleep, was up at 4.30, in order to be up for work, worked from 6am-7pm, got home, had a shower, went to a friend's house as twas their birthday, and then got back about 40 mins ago. Since then i have had a nice cuppa and crashed. Now off to bed again, because it all starts again at 4.30, in just over that many hours... though at least i finish work at midday today, a mere 6hrs...less than half of whati did today! But with the money i am am getting i hae no right to complian. Though i am tired, and will be ill before long, the day itself was in most parts enjoyable, the weather was nice (too nice as i got burnt!!), and i had a good chat to the guy i was working with.

Its amazing how stupid people are though when they ask you questions. Maybe more on that tomorrow. My manager also got his foot intentionally run over, breaking 3 bones in his foot, following a heated discussion with a driver...the driver has since been arrested. And with that, as the screen blurs before my eyes, i bid a very fond farewell

Thought for the Day: isn't it strange the emphasis we place on clothing. Stick a luminous vest on and you automatically become a world renowned travel/parking/great yorkshire show expert. Is it worrying that we base so much on appearance?

I wanted to pay tribute to the portugese footballers, but all i could find was the diving team

Yes i know it's not particularly clever or funny but it had to be the title, in true honour of those portugese players who leapt, jumped and generally flew across the pitch last night. Thank goodness they are out! There must be some justice in this world!

Here are two fantastic clips of the match...(and did you know that Deco's first name is Art?)





Nothing else to say really...thanks to all who commented a number of times yesterday. Today i had the most pointless interview in the world. If there is one thing that really gets to me it is incompetence!! I mean who in their right mind would advertise a job as temporary, read your CV which clearly states your available working dates, and then still proceed to interview you, for a job which turns out to be full time!! Pure insanity and one biiiig waste of time! gggggggrrrroowll

Thought for the Day: If you are going to do something, at least do it well. (thanks Deco!!)

Well this is still nice...

Yes, 100 blogs later, and pigeonboy is still cooing away in the blogging world. It started just 8 days under 7 months ago, on the 16th December 2005, and who knows just how long it will go on for. There has been a thought for they day on all but 4 of the written entries, and NO thought has ever been repeated (Wear sunscreen was indeed part of the title of one early in January, and despite the fact that i have quoted that song 4 times as a thought, i have NEVER used the same line!).

Just thought i'd clear that up. Maybe i ought to collate all my thought for the days...make a book and become rich! lol. Well i have to admit i am suprised that i had the comitment to keep this thing going, and also that people are bothered/bored enough to read it! Well i shall leave you now and go and blow up some balloons or something. Maybe even throw a party. Not sure who to...and i don't want to go and drop it now do i...

Thought for the Day (i saved my fav. til now!!):

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest,
It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes,
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest, it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of Kings:
But mercy is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of Kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore Jew,
Though Justice be thy plea, consider this,
That in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation:we do pray for mercy,
And that same prayer, doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea
Which if thou follow, this strict Court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the Merchant there

Today is rather unsuprisingly Tuesday

I awoke today, with all expectation that it would be a Wednesday. However, the ever predictable nature of time prevailed and it is only Tuesday. I don't know why i wanted it to be wednesday, in fact Tuesday it seems is a rather exciting day, but something inside me hoped for a wednesday. Well at least tomorrow my wish shall be granted, unless by some strange irony tonight is when time decides to change. I will be most annoyed if tomorrow turns out to be a Thursday. It'd jus be rude really.

Today i have been into town. In the holidays when i have nothing else to do, it seems to be a frequent 'last resort'. I am still open to suggestions of stupid things to do-up until Thursday, when alas i may actually be employed. I will post any reply i get from the LTA following my letter to them regarding their treatment of pigeons.

Right well must dash. I have a lot of nothing to do for the next 2hrs before i go off to Katherine's for the evening. Busy busy eh.

Thought for the Day: Wear sunscreen. If i could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. (no seriously otherwise you will get burnt and look like a lobster-its not pretty!)

Here's another Sunday Morning Call

Yes, although it is indeed monday, i have chosen to base my blog around Oasis' best ever song!

'Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl' thats kind of how i feel right now. Having missed a lot of sleep Saturday night (because i was helping at my old youth group's sleepover) and having been fairly busy yesterday, i am now absolutely knackered. Just to improve things, i was really breathless last night, so could hardly get to sleep. I feel slightly better this morning as i type from my bed, but still quite breathless.

'And in your head do you feel, What you're not supposed to feel' well now there's a story of life. I dunno, jus recently i have been struggling with negative thoughts. Lack of patience towards people, getting easily annoyed and generally being inwardly 'arsey'. I don't know why, maybe it's just because i am tired, or readjusting. Its almost as though at times my evil self takes over my brain temporarily.

'You take what you want, But you won't get it for free' We can't do things with a short term perspective. A short term solution is most often a long term problem, as there are always consequences of what we do 'for ourselves' in the here and now. Sorry if this seems irrelevant, jus wanted to share.

'But it's ok. It's alright' yes indeed with all the predicatability of one of my jokes, life goes on. The sun is shining, and i have a day of glorious nothingness ahead of me. So i shall leave my bed, have a shower, and venture forth into the day! Tada!

Thought for the Day: Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl into a day that couldn't give you more but what for?

One of my parents proudest moments...

So, 22 years later and my parents finally reap the full reward for the effort they have put in. On the same day, their eldest graduates from the University of Durham with a 2:1 MEng and their second eldest finds out they got a 1st in politics and philosophy at the University of York.

So excitemement levels are high. Their first graduation ceremony. My mum hasn't been able to sleep. She is babbling with excitement and keeps laughing almost hystrerically! The whole experience is something new for them. A novelty, a first time, one of the most important moments in their life.

What it is to be first child...Not that i doubt the equality within my family. I am old enough to realise there are no favourites. But it can be hard being the third, and my sister the fourth. Nothing is quite so...exciting...new...novelty. I will be their second durham graduate, they will be used to the cermony, been there done that, and bought the photo.

So what do i conclude from this? Well of course i look to others for support. Of course i aim to make others proud and happy. But as soon as i make that my focus in life, i am doomed to fail. There are only two people i am accountable in my life. Me, and God. I have my own goals, i have my own aims, and i strive towards them with all i am. They are not aims to do better than anyone else, or get one over on anyone. They are signs of me fulfilling my potential and working to the best of my ability. And sometimes (very often) i fail. And when i do, i get straight back up again and keep on going, without even a glance to anyone else. That is how i try to be....

Thought for the Day: 'This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man (Hamlet)

Alas poor Yoghurt

The famous lines from a forthcoming production of Hamlet, set in a fridge. It's called 'Omlette' and features such characters of the culinary kind. Coming to a cinema near you. In other news, today the academic year finally came to a close, with the release of the results. Glad to report that it seems to have been good news in general. Another sign of the next year approaching is the fact that as of tomorrow we will be paying gas and electricity bills, and rent will follow soon!

Today has been a day of strange but pleasant nothingess. I got up for 9:30-extremely early! Because Katherine finished work at 9 and wanted to come round. So then we just spent the whole day doing nothing really. Twas great fun. And now i look forward to an evening of nothing. The nothingness was broken briefly to find out my exact mark breakdown. 81% in the IT & Skills exam-wahoo! though i wouldn't be surprised if they boosted my mark just because i complained (kind of as a silencing method!!)

I have decided that i will officially start taking suggestions of stupid things to do this holiday to pass the time. So come up with suggestions and they shall be done with pic/video proof! Im that bored! Right onto important things!

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hrmm Mr Brightside just came on...*sigh* the memories...

Thought for the Day: He who searches for contentment will never find it

24 is officially the best thing since sliced bread!

In fact no....it was still the best thing before sliced bread. Sliced bread merely created a temporary diversion from the truth. Right, anyway yes 24 is officially the best thing ever! I have just finished watching the las 6 episodes of 24 season 5, which i managed to download when i got back from Uni, though it did take about 3 days! Anyone who has not seen 24, then watch it!! And that includes those still catching up from series 1!

Hrmm, well i shalln't dwell on that for too long, seeing as none of my blog readers are particularly interested in 24! The trut is however that it has been the main occupant of my time today. I took a brief break from watching it t go and meet my school friend Ruth for a coffee. (She's the Cambridge one i have mentioned before). I also went shopping briefly and actually applied for a couple of semi-jobs, though I'm not sure I'll get any of them! Once again i am faced with the dilemna of wantng mone from work, but realising that no work=lots of sleep and laziness!! I guess i shall just have to wait and see what happens. I'd better go and leave my room now and convince my family that i do still exist!! Tara now

Thought for the Day: Success gains worth with failure (suitable perhaps for tomorrow!!)

Either today or yesterday, depending on whether i can be bothered to post later

Well hello there, strange people from distant lands and mythical dimensions. Welcome one and all to the madness of my blog. My blog is in fact now officially ancient having reached it's 93rd post today. What's perhaps more incredible is that so much can be written about so little. So, what fun things have i encountered since the sun last passed this way. Well i had a glorious lie in this morning. I rolled out of bed at 12ish to check on my 24 downloads.

It should be noted that since Saturday afternoon when I got back i have been downloading the remaining 7 episodes. The good news is that over 50hrs later, we are 50.3% done! Wahooo!
I ventured into town earlier in search of the all elusive job. Alas once again it got away. So predicatbly the purpose of today is carried over from yesterday much like a rogue ten, carried over in a basic addition, once all the units have been counted. Anyway i digress.

Hrm well as the edgy silence not too dissimilar to that experienced between two males making conversation descends upon me, and it dawns on me that i have nothing left to say....i shall hence depart to my bed. Goodnight.

Thought for the Day: Jaffa Cake- Cake or Big stick?

So that is that (a.k.a just because i don't cry doesn't mean I'm not upset!)

Today, Thid Floor became no more. Never again will we grace that corridor as residents, this year is well and truly over. But what a year it has been. To try and reminisce would be pointless, as to do the year any justice would take far too much blog space. 1000 posts could not accurately describe the amazing things that we i have done, friends i have made, lessons i have learnt and ways in which I've grown. So instead I'm going to talk about bourbon biscuits...hmmmm yum yum, you've gotta love a good bourbon biscuit.

No seriously, a whole blog on biscuits would be way to crumby, in the same way that a blog about stilton would be overly cheesy and a blog about pistachios would be nuthing exciting to read. I guess (to return to a rather forsaken point) that i am a very different person now to the person i was this time last year. University seems to consist of roughly 10 years 'normal living' experience condensed into one year! So what now? well it is with regret of course that i wave goodbye toThid Floor and slowly unpack for another 3 months, but also a realisation that looking forward, change is not a bad thing. It's a very difficult thing to let go, to step out and embrace change when we are comfortable, but it is through change that we grow, and i strongly believe next yearwill be equally amazing as this last year has been-if very different.

I leave you with two thoughts which personally i think say a lot about our journey through life

The road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began,
Now far ahead the road has gone,
And i must follow if i can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say
-------------------------------------
There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the Sun.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild,
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

Another week, another blog

So there flies by yet another week of the calendar year (that is a human year, as opposed to a dog year). it's strange how we talk about dog yars. i mean what's going on. Do they actually orbit the sun faster than us?? Does Clifford shoot off now and again for an orbit or two of the sun? I know he's big...but not that big. In conclusiont he whole idea of Dog years is silly!

THis week has been great. I haven't done much and maybe that is why it has been great. Who knows...This week promises to be very very busy but also good fun. We have Mildert day amongst other thins to look forward to. It's kinda sad that this is the last week we shall spend together like this-but i am resolved to enjoy every moment of it-down to the last second.

Thought for the day: God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference

Angel Delight Part 2

On Friday night i went to the DUS debate on fairtrade versus freetrade. An interesting debate especially as i am a fairtrade maniac as my friends will testify. The freetrade economists spoke only too predictably about how freetrade had lifted people out of poverty how it had 'made everyone richer' and 'given us more choice'. Obviously this man had been living in a sealed box buried 20ft underground for the last 30 years. Richer??More choice?? What a shamefully 1st world opinion. I wanted to shoot the man.

Still i guess he was right about one thing...fairtrade is idealistic. It is, because by nature we don't want to be fair. We don't want to be equal. That's why free and fair cannot co-exist, because people who are free do not choose to be equal! Either there is choice (freedom) or enforced equality (no freedom). It's a tricky one to weigh up. Life is by nature unfair, so why should we try and work against the system to make things fair when we know they never will be?

My brother, whom i have discussed this with many times, would point to socialism as the answer and suggest politics should move towards socialism. But alas i fear that this system relies on perfect, agreed justice and law. And if 'fair' is not achievable then how can justice be? So the situation we are left with is one where justice does not exist-a world where the innocent suffer and the guilty go free. So what's the point in this? Why should we consider trying to work towards these goals? I guess it depends on your reasons for doing so. If you do so just to achieve justice then all is lost, but instead if you decide how you are going to act regardless of the situations around you, then lack of justice towards you should not bother you, and you will already be doing everything possible to try and create a just world for others through your natural actions. I guess it all depends on your perspective.

Angel Delight Part 1

I was stuck for a title for this entry, so i thought i would find a word that summed it up. Bland, slightly weird consistency, nobody's really bothered about it, and yet it continues to exist in large quantities and numerous flavours.

Indeed this entry does exist in two parts!! Yes i have done so much these last few days that i will need two entrys to describe them. That or i'm bored. So today i watched some football and then watched some more football then watched some more football. In between that i had a BBQ which was nice! Yesterday i was in Darlo for the day which was great fun. Basically consisted of going to Emma's house, having lots of nice BBQ food, drinking a lil and sitting round lots all day! Now that's the kind of productive that i like! I like Uni, but sometimes it is nice to escape from the little bubble of Durham and experience real food, sofas and real houses!!! As well as families which are of course very nice too.

On Saturday i watched lots of football, and watched the mildert cricket team play Hatfield in the semi final of the 20-20. I strangely feel as though i had a busy day, though of course in reality i sat and watched cricket, sat and watched football and sat and ate. Not overly productive. I did manage to get spectacularly burnt knees though. No other part of my body-just my knees!
Ah well.

I should also mention that last thursday, MUFF had their first outing in the beginners tournament and won an impressive 2 out of 3 games! Hoorah!

End of Part 1

June has arrived!

And hooray to all the june madness and sunshine. This is the proper first weekend off after exams, and so its parties and bops etc all round. The sun is shining, as it has been for a long time now, and the sky is blue-and i have played a lot of ultimate frisbee. Well not that much-just about 4hrs yesterday-and i now have blisters from wearing uncomfortable shoes for that length of time!

Last night we went into some of the college bars, collecting for bolivian prison children-children whose parents are in prison, and so have to live in prison themselves as their is little social security or services. It's amazing who gives and who doesn't. Well actually it's amazing how stingy people are full stop. Give them a bar and they will spend like there's no tomorrow, ask if they want to give some money to charity and suddenly the free spirit diminishes. So why is it that a group of collar-up, shirts and shoes, gentlemen of castle find it so hard to give?

I should point out it is by no means just the richest, or just people from Castle that don't like to give. Though strangely there is a trend whereby the people with less give more and the people with plenty give a little. Have we totally lost our perspective? Has our cooped up little world of Academia failed to show us the world outside? I understand there are plenty of charities to give to, and so it may be that all those people had already given half their life savings to a different charity-it just seems unlikely from their reactions. Ah well, it's always the way i suppose.

Thought for the Day: It's not how much you can give, it's how much you can keep

Time to spare

Well what to write about. As i type i am revelling in the boredom that comes from having done nothing for the past 2 or so days. That two full hard days of nothingness. It is actually quite tiring! Of course that isn't quite true. I have been keeping myself busy in one way or another, even if the things i am doing do seem rather pointless! So here i am, sat in my room...the sun is shining, and i am inside. Hmm i guess exams aren't quite over yet. bring on the day we can all sit outside and make as much noise as we like.

Last night i watched Brassed Off. It's a fantastic film, and one line stuck in my head. It was the one at the end, where the conducter talks about the fact that if it were seals or whales everyone would be up in arms, but because it was humans in need, no one cared. I think this has a hard hitting truth. How bothered are we about other people? excluding the annual tear jerk of 'Children in Need'. For instance.... ever heard of Fruit of the Loom? No probably not but you wll find their label in any item of stash you buy. so who are they? well they are an ethically awful company who exploit their workers in many countries worldwide. But nice hoodie....

How many times do read apatheticly about different people and couldn't care less. It's worrying how we can numb ourselves against emotion to the extenet that we do not care. Anyways, just a thought or two

Thought for the Day: What's worse-ignorance or apathy?

Alpha Centauri is the closest star to the sun!

So Ha! to whoever it was who recently tried to convince me otherwise...
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/
Not to prove my poiny-just because it's one of my favourite websites. Whenever i need to escape or get a perspective on things i think it can help. And it has a new one each day!

Today is my last exam. wahoooo though i expect peple are fed up of people saying that now. Especially those who have not finished yet. IT&Skills shouldn't cause too many problems and should hopeflly wrap up what has been, bar one, a very satisfactory exam period. I should only have one resit (if any!!) and so things have gone seemingly well.

Tongiht it is planet. Probably gonna be one of the best nights of the year what with the whole end of exams thing and the fact that it is a while since we have all been out properly.

Thought for the day: Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to.
H Mumford Jones

Things i have learnt in the last few days...

- Balancing After-Eights on your forehead and then getting them into your mouth without using your hands is doable and fun!

-If i were a Disney Princess i would be Belle

-MSN + University network = Hours of annoyance

-The Schroder-Bernstein Theorem. Shame my exam was a week ago.

-Rats can swim

-I.T and skills is a very annoying module

-I have every reason in the world to be happy and thankful

Apparently Z*8 is isomorphic to Z2xZ4

Apparently. But fear not because this trivial piece of knowledge bears no relevance to me anymore! The exam is done and today i bathe in the content which comes having had a hard week of exams. With 4 down and two rather easy ones to go-it's time to wind dow to the summer! Although ironicly having tried to cram my head in vain with all kinds of mathematical and geographical knowledge, im now having problems forgetting it. This may seem unimportant however when you have the same pieces of knowledge floating round and round in your brain, it can ge annoying!

In other news-my door ripped my shirt last night which was very traumatic, and we also went to POS which was relatively empty but good fun! Plans for today involve town, and food! Tara!

Thought for the Day: Do not read beauty magazines they will only make you feel ugly (sunscreen)

If, iff and only if

What if? The inevitable element of regret. It's always there; no matter how content and happy you may be i find there is always room for a a few 'if only's. Still i guess the fear of regret can be a good thing, as we make decisions in the present. Just thinking about it, it reminds me of a poem i once read... 'two roads diverged into a yellow wood'. I think a healthy amount of fear of failure, when put in perspective can be very constructive. Besides if we never experience failure, how will we ever triuly appreciate success?

That all brings me very nicely onto my next word-Iff. This may seem like a typo to many of you, but in fact it means 'if and only if' in maths. And it is maths that i am desperately trying to revise. The distractions of cricket and msn are often proving too much. With my first exam looming on Monday a step up to the next gear is required. However there is also football on this afternoon. Oh dear!

My third if (first in the title) refers to the poem 'If' by Rudyard Kipling. I was reading it again yesterday and it struck me just how true it is. I guess i apsire to many of those 'ifs' but it would take a far better man than me to be able to tick even half of them off. Still we can but try.

oh for all those procrastinators who have not already heard...try searching timocracy on google

Thought for the Day: Ok...what's weird is that while searching for the first poem on the internet, the first page i found, contained two poems, the other one being If! So i think that link shall be my thought for the Day! http://www-personal.umich.edu/~darenber/WORDS2LiveBy.htm

So it begins

We come to it now....the time of reckoning. The drinks have been downed, the glasses cleaned, and the books opened. Yes alas it is true that today it starts. Lastn night was the last proper full on night out before our exams and what a way to go. Planet was phenomenally amazing. Think perhaps it was the best POS i have been to. The cheese room was as ever god, but the added bonus was the trance set downstairs. Barbers Adagio for Strings kicked off the best trance set i have heard since i have been at Uni. I doubt i will ever be able to suffer an R&B session at Studio again. My eyes have been reopened!

So now its head down for the next 3 weeks-in theory. In reality there will still be trips to the bar and other colleges, and the place will by no means be lacking fun-however the examse definitely seem to be looming. With 9 days until the first one, revision needs a bit of a kick start. However i am still in a good modd which is obviously...good. This term has been great so far-long may it continue. I must leave now and revise some more. How dull.

Thought for the Day: Honesty without tact is like jam with no bread.

Long time no speak

Well here is a blog to keep you all going a little bit longer! Life at Uni this term has been good. I have managed to get my head down a bit and do some work-which is all good. This is the last timetabled week, so revision plans are being drawn up as i speak...

Nothing much else to report really. Life goes on in the big wide world much as it has doen this pat year, scarcely aware of the outside world!

Thought for the Day: Say what you mean and mean what you say

Durham durham

Back in the land of the pink pather i am indeed. And all is weel at the time of press. though it does seem as though i have walked into a very very very surreal dream all of a sudden. things are so normal yet so strange. The work will hit me as a shock tomorrow! but still while tonight lives, so does my freeedom from such chores.

I today shall for a few valuable minutes dwell upon yesterdays thought. Is time dependent on activity,or activity dependent on time. Does one end and begin, and so the other occurs naturally, or does one begin, and the other one ends. Hmmmm one to ponder

Thought for the Day: Eternity is no time at all

Yes-today

I must apologise for the lateness of this blog. Of course although it is now yesterday, i will be referring to it as today (hence the title)

Well you just can't stop em can you. Its factual that girls can talk forever. I watched unable to intervene with manly awkwardness, as the 2 women glided from topic to topic seamlessly, each setting up the next ones cue, as though it were the most fantastic of dramas. No silence or break between, everyone knew their lines and for close to 2 hours spoke them perfectly. It's just too much for a simple ma like myself i had to leave. I should mention this was Katherine my mum and Hayley having a conversation from 10pm onwards tonight....

So, now we enter the last day-no not ever, just of this holiday. Though really this is more of a transition day between the two ends (holiday and uni). I am just about to start packing franticly as to date nothing is packed. Just to prove that it is possible to pack, sleep and eat 2 meals in 12hrs! Well actually not just to prove that-i just haven't got round to packing/tidying yet. And by the way the tidying element shoudl not be overlooked! In other news-Chelsea lost. Hooray!

Thought for the Day: Time is the measurement between two events. Therefore if activity stopped-would time?

Woah i should start packing

Clothes, rubbish, junk, paper, wires, CDs, boxes, furry things. Just a few of the many items that currently litter my room which will have to have gone by this time tomorrow. It looks as though tomorrow could be a long day! But hopefully i will get it all done.

I just got off the phone with a receptionist at NCAR the National Center for Atmospheric research in the US, and now have the phone number of the guy in charge of all their weather modification experiments, a man named Roelof Bruintjes. So he shall be receiving a call from me shortly...and the best bit, is that cos im using skype i can record every word of it! Anyways hopefuly that'll all mean something to the geographers who know what i spend my spare time doing!

Today has been a rather dull day otherwise. I taught my sister and Katherine how to play Poker, kind of and saw my cousin briefly which was cool. Now id best be off to bed in preparation for my long day tomorrow.

Thought for the Day: Passion beats intelligence hands down

The day before the day before the day before we go back

Just to say yesterdays post was not a personal attack at anyone! lol. It was just a good way to start off a healthy discussion that was circulating in my head at the time. So i hope no offence was caused.

Today i met my last lot of friends before i got back to Uni (i think). This time it was some guys from school (2 of which are engaged, which is exciting and scary). I also found out i am to be an usher at their wedding next summer, (2007) so i shall have to do some research into what one does....

I had the unfortunate job of attempting to apply for next years Uni finance stuff this afternoon. Ohh joy of joys. Having identified the PR1, consulting the PR1 information booklet, phoning both...yes both helplines, checking the website, printing the form off (the cheek of it!!) i am none the wiser as to what i am supposed to do. It's a bit like origami-all the instructions are laid out in front of you-but they still may as well be in Japanese! So eventually i gave up midway through trying to work out if i was a pregnant homeowner with children from the EU and 3 ears or an overseas student sponsored by the NHS who has two dogs and a ucas number that begins with 3. (you see it all affects whether i flick over to section 10A or go directly to 13F via 12C)

I always feel cheated when i have to skip sections. In fact having answered no to being over 50 for example, i always flick to that section, just to see what I'm missing. In this case i think it was just a larger font. So anyway...the countdown has really begun now. I think tomorrow will be my last day of 'work' before i get back.

Thought for the Day: Ever looked in a mirror and wondered if you're the reflection?

Absolute meaningless b*******?

First of all I must apologise…For it is true that most of my blogs are completely meaningless and rubbish-however more fool you for reading it! However while we are on this topic, I would like to ponder meaning. For couldn’t conversation, emotions, love, friendship all be considered meaningless by that same judgement.

There is no physical need for such things. Within the complex systems of our Earth; feelings, belief, happiness etc have no equation or influence on the world. Existence is dependent upon physical factors which are necessary for life.

So perhaps instead we must look at a necessity which suggests that for our mind/soul, all things are necessary. For even something done to prove its meaninglessness, was done for a purpose, and purpose suggests there was meaning to such an event. So if we believe that there is more necessity to life than the physical needs, we must assume that everything has point. For either in the action or reaction of an event, some point must be achieved, or else it would cease to exist itself. Therefore, the statement that something is meaningless refers to ones own opinion, not the meaningfulness of the event itself. Therefore I shall continue to fill my blogs with things that have meaning to me. Whether they have meaning to you or not is irrelevant as in the creation, they are given the purpose of self expression, so if you find any of it useful it is…a bonus!

Thought for the Day: Everything has a purpose, even if it is not being fulfilled.

Where have all the people gone?

Where has everybody gone. Is it the realisation that the work must begin? Is everyone packing already? Are people taking advantage of those last few days at home? Or perhaps people are just avoiding me.

Today i watched some more 24. It truly is the best TV programme ever! Half way through the 5th season and it's vintage stuff. They even used the silent clock last episode. You know it's been a good episode when they use the silent clock! And for all you 24 fans i am using all my precious time downloading the next few episodes to keep us going for a few weeks at uni!

I also did some more work today and figured out my timetable for the next few weeks. All of which has led to a sense of achievement and satisfaction at this point in the day. So im really rather happy.

So now im settling down over a cuppa and browsing ebay. I have finally learnt to browse not buy(though mainly coz i always miss the end of auctions! lol).

Thought for the Day: Everyone has rainy days in their life. Some people sit indoors while others go and dance in the rain.

This is not a title

There you go, there is the paradoxical title as promised. (thanks Andy for the correct word)
So today was Monday, and what a beautiful day it has been. The sun was shining, the weather was sweet, and i did nothing all day. Not however a 'stay-in-room-and-blurgh' nothingness, rather a chilled lesson in how to do lots without actually doing anything. I will explain...

Today began at roughly 11am with a leisurely breakfast and a reading of the newspaper.
At 12.45 i set off to meet my friends at 1pm to play football. We played football for roughly an hour. It is amazing how lack of fitness catches up with you after a very short time. All lying flat out on the ground panting after 10mins wasn't a good sign. At 2 we set off to a local shop to get a cold drink (much needed as the sun was shining, though the wind was also strong). Then we went to 'spoons via my house to get changed. We had a meal in 'spoons about 3:30, then went for some drinks and chatted, then chatted some more, then drank some more, then chatted, then went to pizza hut for a very long meal, then chatted and then went for a drink. And so there we were at 10.11 a few metres away from where we had been 7hrs ago. Bliss!

The cyclic nature of our complete nothingness was truly awesome. I don't know about you, but i find cyclicity within life a most intruiging and beautiful occurence. Hence why it is used is lots of films where the beginning is similar to the end. Anyway i digress

The point is i had a brillliant day with loadsa ice cos it was hot, and have done nothing but talk, eat and drink!

Thought for the Day: The passing of life is not measured by time, but by experience.

Easter Day! Yay!

Well well...easter day. It would be weird for me not to mention anything about today. For whereas for people with no beliefs today is nothing special really, i guess for christians, if today didn't exist, there would be no point to our religion! (though i know some who would argue that was the case). So just to kinda let you know what today means for me...

Imagine someone interested in you. Someone who loves you sooo much that they would (and did) die for you. Someone who took the blame for every wrong thing you ever did, and by dying as a punishment for your crimes, enabled you to have eternal life (one biiig party once ur dead) and to live a guilt free life (with purpose). Now even if you don't believe it, hopefully you can see why someone who did (aka me) would have reason to get excited about today! So yeah there you go.

So today i have been to church in the morning, then came back for an easter egg hunt-yes it is true, you never get too old! Then i had a yummy lunch and looooads of chocolate and had tea with my grandparents, before heading off to listen to Katherine, seeing in the chorus of 'Handels Messiah'. Admittedly not my thing, but twas good. Tomorrow i am going to play football-yes actual excercise!!

Thought for the Day: We are swimming in a world of knowledge, yet thristing for a drop of wisdom

'There is a tim for everything

Today the theme is autobiographies...and that is the title of mine if i should ever become famous enough to write one. (play on the word time-not big-headedness). if you have any better suggestions please comment for some inspiration, what about...
Crouching Tiger, hidden talent - Tim Henman
Long time no see - David Blunkett
What lies beneath - Tony Blair
Thinking outside the box - David Blaine
American Idiot - George Bush
Windows of opportunity - Bill Gates

So there you go. Admittedly not very good at all and so i expect lots of suggestions! In other news, today i spent a good hour searching for easter eggs. It appears that some shops must have over ordered last year, and have over compensated this year! Or maybe i just leave things too late?

Other than that has been an uneventful day. we had a power cut last night which set off a house alarm at 3.30 and therefore kept me awake until the power came back on at about 5am. Hopefully i shall have more to write about tomorrow, with it being a special day! Ciao now

Thought for the Day: If i cannot do great things, i can do small things in a great way

Not really a day, more a brief passage of time

The title accurately sums up my life today. i didn't really do enough for it to class as a day. I basically dossed around quite a lot and ate and drank and watched football. Even the the football wasn't exciting as my team crashed to a 0-0 draw with bottom of the league Sunderland. Not a good result at all. This after my virtual cricket team were on the worng end of a thrashing too.

So all in all a day where nothingness and laziness had to do.

Tomorrow i have a slightly busier day, as there is a kind of music festival parade through town which i shall probably go and watch. You see it doesn't take much to come up with a more exciting day than today!

Thought for the Day: If nothing comes our way. Then be glad, for if you found something, it would probably only cause problems

Two sides of humanity: Part 2

Contradictions. Don't you just love them. In true style i am now going to prove why i hate them , which will then be contraditary to my last statement.

Two days ago in the Independent, Mark Steele wrote about how the USA is funding political parties in South America, whom they support. In countries where 'the wrong guy' in Americas opionion is elected (democratically) they have forced regime change or invaded (1957), or tried to legally force a parliamentary change-why...because the opposition usually wants to stop the unfair trade with Anerica! So...America's reason? To try and spread 'democracy'. Hmmmmm

A few pages later, a picture of the Thames Water building being cleaned (hosed down), days after they issued a hosepipe ban for the whole Thames area...funny isn't it...

I watched the Constant Gardener the other day. Although of course fiction, the stories are even worse in real life. Medical companies, designing drugs to sustain and give life....killing people by the thousands. You see what i'm getting at?

As MPs airmile records are released, you may be surprised (or not) to discover that one of the main culrpits was the minister who recently set out the Government's policy on reducing emmissions from air travel.

Next week the PM will pass law meaning that in future he can intervene in the legal process and pass laws that are not in keeping with the law. The most famous person who passed a similar law...Hitler! Yes Tony Blair now has more power over his country than US president and seems to be taking the Hitler route-power seeking in a democracy-that doesn't fit

In the US, abortion has just been banned in one state. Yet they refuse a rise in tax, to help pay for all the extra babies who will now be born, some needing extreme treatment.

I could go on and on. So there we have it, the two sides of humanity. With one hand we help, with the other we hinder. Is it true that as humans we all fit into that cateogry? Are we all contradictary people? If not, what makes us different.

Thought for the Day: Have you read my blog???

2 sides of humanity:Part 1

I should warn you.This is the first part of a two part series. So read tomorrow to find out more!

Happy birthday to me! What a wonderful day it has been. And in 10mins time it will be thousands of other peoples turn to take the limelight for 24hrs. This birthday has been quite strange in many ways.

Firstly i signed in on duo, and it said happy birthday to me, then on my trip to the dentist my dentist greeted me with happy birthday, and then o2 sent me a message telling me i had got 50 free text messages.

Throughout the day on msn, facebook, by text, phone and in person people have been saying happy birthday. Sooo many people have said it in some way or another, a card, a present or just a word, and i haven't even got my familys presents yet. So what is this-me bragging about how popular i am? No i am sensible enough to realise that this has very little to do with me. Rather i have been truly blessed by the people around me.

That people take the time to show interest, send me things, make me feel loved is perhaps the biggest privelege ever. It restores my faith in human nature, that no matter how bad a friend i am, however many times i let people down/fall out-i have a group of friends that cares about me and is bothered about me. I don't think there's much else a guy could want in life and i feel priveleged to have the bestest friends in the world-FACT!

Thanks to all you guys who made today what it's been-brilliant. I only hope that i can return the favour... Thankyouuuuuuuuu

Thought for the Day: We live to love and to be loved

Hues to say?

Today i was aqua-marine. No, i didn't start singing barbie girl underwater, or turn into a tin of homebase paint, i am merely describing the mood of my day as aqua marine. So why i hear you cry. Well i would hear you if you were all there, waiting and interested. Instead the tumbleweed keeps atumbling and ill keep wittering.

Basically, we use blue, to describe feeling down, green to describe envy, so who's to say i cannot designate my very own colour? Hence i have designated aqua-marine as my mood today. For those outside of my head (the vast majority of you) i have been feeling quite excited and also contented, but with a slight hint of frustration at times. There you go, so next time you feel like that you will know how to describe it!

In other colour news, indigo has been removed from the rainbow, after people finally realised that you can't actually see it! I kid you not. tis FACT. Righty, well tomorrow is my birthday (yay) so i shall leave you now to consider this...

Thought for the Day: If you were a colour, what would you be and why?? hmmmmm

23 hours in Sheffield

Yes i have returned safe and well from my mini expidition to the 'centre of the Earth' as Oli puts it. I have to say, it is a very pleasant place to while away your time, and it has many sites of interest and a few clubs. Though it should be noted that the nightlife is not that great on a sunday night-unless they let you into the gay bar. Something that alas did not happen.

So...what was i doing for those 23hrs? well here is my 24 style synopsis of my trip
14:42 - Met Oli at the station, and was driven to his very nice house in middle class sheffield!
15:42 - Sat and chatted to Oli for a while over a good cup of tea
16:42 - Ditt and Tom arrived and we set off to watch the football in the pub
17:42 - Football finished and we set off back to Olis house
18:42 - Following another cup of tea, set off in search of food
19:42 - Having been fed in an American restaurant, we went to a pub nearby
20:42 - Met up with Olis friend Gavin in the same pub
21:42 - Met up with Olis other friend Hannah in the same pub
22:42 - Left to go to 'Forum ?!?' (another bar)
23:42 - Went in search of clubs but they were all shut
00:42 - Having tried the gaybar, we headed back via Spar for some food
01:42 - Sat in Gavins house eating, to break the journey back to Olis
02:42-10:42 - 'Sleeping' Time. Kept waking up.
10:42 - Got up and watched Trisha
11:42 - Headed into sheffield for a look round ( and saw pigeons!!)
12:42 - Stood in water fountains in the middle of shffield (see pic)
13:42 - Arrived at Sheffield station to catch the 13:51 train to Leeds.

There, that is the grand summary of my trip. Having got home i then went out with some rahs from cambridge for the night and helped them win a pub quiz! Yay! So it has been a very exciting few days, and a good beginning to what promises to be a very exciting week!

Thought for the Day: The hole of life can either be dug deeper or climbed out of. The spade is always in your hand.